Here, There and Everywhere

Back in the good ‘ole days, 1971 to be specific, an American-born yogi or spiritual teacher, Ram Dass, published BE HERE NOW,  which expressed the importance of yoga, meditation and spirituality.

(Some know Baba Rams Dass from his work prior to his Hindi conversion. As Dr. Richard Halpern, he and Timothy Leary studied psychedelics at Harvard University. )

The title BE HERE NOW evolved into a popular adage that influenced many who came of age in the late 60’s and early 70’s.

Me, for instance.

I’ve been told I was “together” back then.  Truly? I felt lost and peripheral most of the time, but I managed to encapsulate those feelings.

In a search to “find myself,” I burned a few brain cells, tumbling from a few of the wrong trees of knowledge. Eventually I figured out Ram Das’ meaning—to live a better life, I should pay attention. I should get out of my self and into living each moment fully. That by doing so, I would find myself.

I spent much of the last year living in the moment, cruising the eastern states. Lately, however,  I’m having a hard time with it.

So I ask, what about that space between those be here now moments—when I’m not here, when I’m not paying attention? What about when I am there and everywhere else in my thoughts, when I am unfocused and wondering?

An event that occurred a couple months ago moved me into that unfocused place. It caused the capsule in which I’d buried an early childhood trauma to leak. As I try to make sense of it, of the intense feelings it unleashed, my mind wanders. I talk less, laugh less, accomplish little.

Ram Dass said, “The quieter you become, the more you hear.”

I hear a confused precognitive little girl asking, “What are you doing?”

I hear an insecure adolescent who has a hard time with trust.

I hear the adult who had been protecting the child within from any memory saying, “I wish I could have protected you forever.”

I’m normally a healthy vibrant energetic adult, and I am a writer. Prior to earning an MFA in Writing at Vermont College, I had studied Psych. I’m thinking it’s time to fully examine the trauma, process it and find a way to finally release its hold on my subconscious.

Some people would prefer that I sweep it back under that subconscious rug. It would be much less messy.

Fortunately, some writers like playing in the mud.

Me for instance.

So, for me to be here now means to be in that past. It means to be here, there and everywhere if I need to be. Baba Ram Dass will remind me to let it go. And  I will. As soon as I learn what I need to learn. Or if I’m lucky, if I’m finally able to write the story.

That’s how we writers figure things out. Right?

Sweep it under the rug? Baba Hum Bug.