It’s a new year, and tradition calls for declarations of commitment to our imagined, better selves. This year, however, I am lowering the bar.
Linden’s Realistic Resolutions for 2013:
1. I resolve to continue wasting time cruising the Internet instead of knitting hats for the homeless or spending quality time with my kid or my cat. Fainting goats are dang funny. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg
2. I resolve to take shortcuts in any and everything I can, including cooking, correspondence and exercise. Treadmill, here I don’t come.
3. I resolve to buy more things than I should. Everything on eBay is a deal, right?
4. I resolve to poke my nose into places I don’t belong. Yes, this means you. I’m watching.
5. I resolve to cheat on my diet. Especially with double dark chocolate peanut butter malt balls.
6. I resolve to continue to be cranky getting up in the dark. If humans were supposed to be awake, the sun would come up sooner. It’s a simple scientific fact.
7. I resolve to avoid writing when possible. No, this is not considered writing.
8. I especially resolve to avoid rewriting. Nasty, nasty stuff!
9. I resolve to be a human. For the whole year.
Wow….our “resolutions” are eerily similar. Strange.
I’ll meet you at the malt ball bin.
I LOVE it! If only we could forgive ourselves for being human!
Thank you, Linden, for advocating the good sense resolution to “lower that bar.” Even if I didn’t love fainting goats and chocolate too, I’d find your list liberating. In our caffeinated, over-stimulated, hyper-achieving, competitive world, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that we need to cut ourselves some slack. Sometimes the most direct route for getting to where we want to go is to take a few detours along the way. You are the new Zen master!
What a relief to see these. I’ve printed and posted them above my computer. Thanks, Linden for a reality check and a great laugh.
You’ve truly opened my mind, LInden. I never knew there was such a thing as double dark chocolate peanut butter malt balls. Seriously, I’m letting my tummy tire fall over my jeans waistline. Thanks for the belly laughs. Say, are you sure you don’t have surveillance cameras aboard our boat?
We should all have some of these resolutions!
Thanks for making me laugh!
Here’s to being cranky in the morning! Whoo!
Only on this vacation was I allowed to “let” the sun wake me up….
I agree, we should all be snuggled up in bed on these long winter nights, especially when it is below freezing as it was this morning in Portland! Thanks for the giggle and the permission to let go.
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just love you Linden!!!