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When I was ten, my thirty-something stepfather died very suddenly. This event was so shocking the world seemed to tip, and never quite right itself. I could not make any sense of it. His shoes were still there; his car took up space in the driveway. I started wearing his oversized knit shirts with Bermuda shorts. This was less sentimental than practical: the shirt could not go on hanging there alone, it needed filling.
More death followed: people I knew drowned, died in car crashes, or took their lives. Relatives got diseases and succumbed. Each time, the surprise pierced me. Then my thoughts would travel to what was left behind. I imagined lockers stuffed with old Geometry assignments that would never be graded, the shoe that flew off into the bushes and was lost forever, the easy chair that retained the impression of my grandfather’s head long after he was gone.
After my grandmother passed on I sorted through her papers and belongings. She had kept a cassette tape of an interview featuring my grandfather, gone for more than twenty years. He was speaking to her father, my great-grandfather, a man I’d never met, who had died many years before that.
Here were voices of men, but not the men.
The car with no driver.
Missing shoe, no foot.
The impression of a head.
I don’t know what death is. I only know what it leaves. Half of something. An empty space with a familiar shape.
A hole.

This is intriguing to think about, Linden, and sad. I’m sorry for your losses, and sorry that you had to start seeing them close-up so early.
Linden, this is arresting in its truth. xo
There is a phrase in Italian for this “sento la mancanza”. It means “I sense the absence”. That is what death does. It leaves a physical and palpable space that nothing but the lost ones can fill; a sort of silhouette. That space can be beautiful and sad at the same time. I am sorry for your losses and mine. xxooxoxoox
Death does leave a hole as well as wondering what if? if only? did I? why? The wondering lessens but the hole never closes.
This is deep, Linden. I just want to jump into my car, drive south, and give you a big hug and encourage you to remember the good memories to help you fill that hole.
xoxo, Linden. Beautiful.
Linden, you have written so beautifully about what happened to us – too many losses, too soon. I can see Grandpa’s chair so clearly in my mind, and I’ll never forget that day in 1969. Love you.
Loss and change came so early for you. Your dad was in his thirties! Thanks for your post, Linden.
Thank you, Linden, for this…coming at this time…beautifully expressed and true for me, too….the seemingly empty spaces are actually filled with after-images that are startlingly alive and vivid.
Linden, yes! Where I write now holds a number of things that belonged to my late mother; photos, a lamp, a painting she did, books. They all have their own history, stories associated with them, and shape and heft and weight. Yet it would not surprise me if they just floated away. They pine for her. And our losses teach us something about the invisible behind all the physical.
The losses leave a writer in their wake.
Your piece reminds me of a poem by Gail Mazur called BlueBonnets– the last lines are: “I fingered lightly the delicate earthly petals, I thought/ This is what my hands do well/ isn’t it, touch things about to vanish.”
I’ve read this post a few times. Each time I find myself staring off, unable to comment. It’s like I return to the moment of that loss, still trying to process it. Death? For me, for so long, it was the dull dial tone when I inadvertantly picked up the phone.
Death leaves an emptiness where a a fullness was and should still be. I remember looking in the mailbox for a letter from my mother. She had already been dead for some time. It was like the pain of loss hit me again.